Before I Even Knew What the Word Love Meant
by Death By Verbicide
Summary: Stories showing how Barry and Iris slowly fell for each other, from the first time they met up to adulthood. Or, more accurately - the 4 times Barry and Iris kissed and the one time it meant something. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

_**"When we were kids, I loved you before I even knew what the word love meant."**_

Barry remembers the first time he met Iris West.

The woman who changed his life. His best friend. His refuge.

In fact, he remembers _perfectly._

 _September 19th, 1996._

It was the day he finally turned 6 years old, and he was jumping up and down in childish glee, excited to go to school.

A slight chill grasped the autumn air and nipped at Barry's soft cheeks, and left him with a bothersome runny nose, but with a determined sprinkle of optimism (and a spoon of cold medicine from his mother, of course), Barry donned his favorite sweater, stuffed his small feet into his sneakers, and decided that it would be a good day.

And it _was._

Nora, with her warm, undoubted love for her son, had secretly worked with his kindergarten teacher, Ms. Christie, to arrange a small surprise party for her son at school.

At first confused when Ms. Christie suddenly asked the students to put away their books, and that Reading Time would end a little earlier today, Barry quickly became ecstatic when his mother entered the room, with frosted cupcakes and juice drinks, and party hats for the entire class.

He smiled his adorable, shy smile when all the other students sang _Happy Birthday_ to him, and couldn't believe his luck when Ms. Christie declared that he would be Student of the Week, meaning he was given a medal to wear for the entire day, could pick the End of the Day activity, could stand in the front of the line when the teacher brought the class in from recess, small privileges that otherwise excited young children of his age.

 _This is gonna be the best birthday ever!_ Barry thought, seeing how happy the other children were to celebrate for him.

Even if none of them wanted to be his friend.

Even if they usually left him alone at most recesses.

Barry was too shy and quiet, and this made him an easy target for the other children to pick on, and often bully as well, seeing how Barry was easily noticed as the weakling and pushover. No parent wanted to see their child go through such a horrible experience, but the thing was - once Barry saw how much it worried his parents to see him sad, he kept it hidden, and forced himself to smile when they picked him up after school, and lied about playing with the other kids, assured them that he was okay.

Concerned conversations over the phone with Ms. Christie proved him wrong.

His mother dropped a kiss on his head before she left to go back to work at the library, and the class decided to play a small round of Duck Duck Goose when Principal Bates interrupted them. She stepped into the room, with a bearded African American in his late twenties, and a young girl, in a red dress with purple flowers on it, her curly, dark hair in two high pigtails, tied down with matching red bows, tears sparkling in her bright eyes as she clutched the man's hand with her own, softly sniffling.

Her father murmured words of encouragement to her.

"Hello, class," Principal Bates announced in her clear, kind voice.

"Hi, Ms. Bates!" the class replied in a chorus of off-tune young voices.

"You have a new student joining you all today," Ms. Bates stated, gesturing towards the small girl in the red dress, trying to hide behind her father's legs, "Her name is Iris, and she's recently moved here from Eastern City. She'll be in your class for the rest of the year."

Ms. Christie rose from her spot at the circle, and got down on knee and held out her hand to the new student, smiling as she quietly introduced herself to her. "Hello, Iris. I'm Ms. Christie. We're really glad to have you here with us. Would you like to have a seat with the other students? We're playing a game."

Iris shook her head no, quiet tears still falling down her face, and held onto her father's hand with a tight grip.

She was upset, Barry realized, an innocent worry washing through him.

"Iris, this is your teacher," the father coaxed, looking down at his sniveling daughter, "It'll be okay. You'll have fun."

"I... I don't want you to go, Daddy," she pleaded in a small whisper, "Can we go back home? Please?"

The rest of the class watched in silent confusion, unsure of how to react to this new phenomenon - this shy, crying girl, who didn't want to be here.

Tony, and some of the meaner children who teased Barry, snickered and were _already_ whispering things that were probably rude, making fun as they watched Principal Bates, Ms. Christie, and the dad, all trying in vain to persuade the new crybaby girl into sitting with the rest of the class.

Barry knew what to do.

Resolved in his decision, he swiftly got up from his seat in the circle, darted over to the counter where the leftover cupcakes and juice boxes were - she'd like the red ones, he impulsively proposed to himself, noting her dress and bows - and brought the snacks back over to the three adults and the small girl.

Ms. Christie was somewhat startled and amazed when, out of the blue, a young, small Barry Allen appeared at her side with a red-frosted cupcake and a Very Berry Juice drink.

Ms. Bates and the father had similar reactions, both watching on, somewhat astonished.

Ms. Christie moved to the side, and Barry let step forward, holding out his tokens of greeting.

"Hi," he chirped quietly, with an honest, bright smile, "My name is Barry, and today's my birthday. I want you to have these."

Iris hesitated, before she moved her father's hand away, wiping away her tears away from her rosy cheeks before she accepted the cupcake and juice, and let out a single chortle. "Your name is Berry? Like the fruit?" She asked innocently, her face finally lighting up with a radiant smile.

Barry giggled, relieved she wasn't sad anymore. "Well, no," he replied, a bit confused, "It _sounds_ like 'berry', but... but I'm not a berry. I'm a boy! _"_

Iris smiled and took a small bite of the red frosting. Joe broke into a smile as well.

"Iris, what are you supposed to say to him?" Joe chastised quietly, gently wiping the icing that had touched the tip of Iris's nose with his thumb.

"Huh?" Iris squeaked, looking up at her father in confusion.

"The nice boy was kind to you and just gave you something," Joe repeated gently, "What should you say to him?"

"Umm..." Iris mumbled, looking back at Barry, at a loss for words, before she guessed, "I like your shoes?"

Ms. Christie laughed, and Barry watched Iris struggle to hold both the cupcake and the juice in one hand, before she took his hand and he smiled, leading her to the rug of children.

Ms. Christie quickly introduced herself to Joe, and Iris smiled and happily waved goodbye to her father before Joe left for work, silently praying she wouldn't cry again after he left.

Little did he know she'd never cry again, not at school at least.

Seeing how easily the two got along, Ms. Christie let Iris sit at the empty spot in Barry's table group, right across from him.

Before they knew it, both children were squealing with excitement during recess, chasing each other in games of tag, following each other down the playground slides, and just asking questions about each other. Back in class, Iris quietly giggled as she touched her foot to Barry's in class while he was trying to pay attention, and he failed at stifling a smile, causing Ms. Christie to raise an eyebrow as she looked over at them.

At the end of the day, both children wore cheesy grins and cordially bid each other goodbye before they raced to their mothers.

"Hey, slugger?" Henry Allen greeted, entering from the front door later that afternoon, returning from yet another long day at the hospital - but with a chocolate cake and a present wrapped in shiny green paper, "Where's my little birthday boy?"

Barry looked up, put down his coloring book, and his face immediately split into a brilliant smile. "Daddy!"

He eagerly scampered over to his father, and Henry scooped his little son up with one arm, kissing his forehead as Barry threw his small arms round his father's neck.

"Your mother tells me you had a very nice birthday at school today," Henry inquired.

Barry, still wearing his sunny grin, pumped his head in an eager nod as his father carried him into the kitchen, where Nora was cooking dinner.

"Barry made a new friend today," she explained, as Henry kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh, well, that's just _swell_ ," Henry admired kindly, and Barry's face lit up as he spoke, the words tangling on his tongue as he spoke eagerly and quickly in his young voice. "Her - her name is Iris West, Daddy, and she - she just moved to my school today. She was sad, so I gave her a cupcake and - and Dad, she's so much fun to play with! Her name is a flower, and her favorite dress is the red one because it has iris flowers on them - and that's her name, so she said it's her favorite dress, and - _Dad_ \- she loves playing on the slides too!"

Henry and Nora both laughed. Both parents knew how much trouble Barry had in the social aspect of his life.

It warmed their hearts to see their precious son finally carefree, and genuinely happy, with his new "best friend."

Barry learned that Iris loved drawing, singing songs from Disney princess movies, riding her bike - she knew how to ride _without_ training wheels! It was incredible! - and occasionally played with her father's boxing mitts, because she wanted to be tough and strong like he was. (She also had a very adamant sweet tooth, Barry noted. She attacked candy, cupcakes, and ice cream with jaw-dropping enthusiasm, but always shared with him, of course.)

In turn, Iris found out that Barry knew how to tie his shoes - a feat none else could brag about in Ms. Christie's kindergarten class - and that he wasn't afraid of bugs (he could identify them by scientific name, you know. He showed Iris that he had them all listed in a small book). He loved sharing his toy cars and dinosaurs with her, had his very own pet fish that he fed each day, and his mother was a librarian, so there was always a plethora of wonderful books for them to read together, and fawn over the pretty artwork in the giant picture books.

They talked to each other as they completed spelling worksheets in class, and found their own little spot at the small bench tables to eat at lunch. During recess, they played hopscotch, 1-on-1 hide and seek, made each other bracelets out of the dandelions growing between the concrete cracks, taught each other their favorite clapping games and held hands often as they walked. Days when one of the two was absent left the other incredibly lonely, and when said absentee returned to school the next day, he or she was given a huge hug by the other.

And God _forbid_ anyone try and pick on Barry while Iris was around. One fitful confrontation with Tony and Mark left Iris proving her raw yet remarkable abilities with her fists and - unfortunately - left Tony with a small blotched bruise across his cheek.

An urgent phone call was sent home to Joe and Francine.

It wasn't too long before the Wests were invited over for dinner with the Allens for the first time. At the table, Henry introduced himself and discussed his practice at the CC General Hospital, and how he fished in his spare time, leaving Joe somewhat confused with his science and fishery lingo. Joe, who came from a pretty different background, told Henry how he was promoted from sergeant to detective and was relocated to Central City. Henry promised him that life in Central City was always pleasant, and that Joe and his family would love their new life here.

After all, Henry and Nora were both born and raised here. They couldn't find anything to complain about. The Allens were happy, and the Wests would be too.

Francine and Nora, on the other hand, both clicked immediately. They discussed their children, and agreed that Ms. Christie was a good teacher. They discovered they had quite a lot in common, and this made for a good conversation.

Meanwhile, Barry and Iris made silly faces at each other as they ate spaghetti, goofing around. With a gentle push of insistence from their mothers, both children finished up their dinner before they raced back upstairs to Barry's room to go build a castle for Iris's dolly with his MegaBloks in order to protect her from the dinosaurs and racecars roaming the floor below.

It was clear for both parents to see that their children were very lucky to have found each other, that their friendship was pure and affectionate, and all four of them secretly hoped their friendship would last a very long time.

Maybe even forever...

The year went on, and Barry's and Iris's friendship became stronger. Almost every weekend consisted of an eager playdate, and occasionally a sleepover; The duo shared everything they had together - toys, snacks, books, told each other stories, remembering what each other liked. Really, it was astounding to see how close two children could become to each other.

Especially Barry.

The way his face lit up with a smile when Iris said something, and how much he cared for her... Sure, they didn't have much in common to be honest, but there was just something about the way they undoubtedly supported each other that was hard to describe. It was as if their happiness had become rooted in this friendship they both shared.

Then tragedy struck.

Iris wasn't sure how it happened.

One weekend morning, Joe went to work, at the CCPD. Francine was cooking in the kitchen, and Iris fell asleep as she watched _Maggie and the Ferocious Beast,_ curling up for a small nap right there on the couch.

When Iris woke up - everything was gray.

Smoke.

And fire.

Coming from the kitchen, spreading through the hardwood floors like fiery snakes, eating the walls, forcing her to cough, riddling her of her ability to see and breathe.

Firemen.

Men in helmets, alien-like oxygen masks, tan coats with luminescent striping. They found her crying, and somehow she was outside. Sunlight and clear, unpolluted air, safe in her terrified father's arms, a squad of policemen and the fire brigade crowding the street.

Their house, their beloved new home, had burned down.

Everything was a big mess, a big confusion.

Joe later had to tell Iris that Francine... Mama didn't survive. She wouldn't be coming back. It would be just them two from now on.

At first, Iris didn't say anything. She blinked at her father, as if curious, before she pouted. "What do you mean, Daddy?"

"Iris..." Joe started delicately, his voice cracking with the weight of his words, "Mama _died..._ The fire killed her."

Again, Iris stayed silent. She looked away, at odds with this new information, before her eyes glinted with unshed tears. A single sob hitched in her throat, before Joe pulled his daughter back into his arms as she cried and screamed, a stinging pain overtaking her heart and spreading throughout her entire body.

Mama didn't survive.

She wouldn't be coming back.

Really, the reality was so simple - but it was so _impossible_ to accept - How could Iris live, knowing she'd never see her mother's smile again, that her mother would never lovingly brush her hair in the morning anymore? That Iris would never see her mother's beautiful smile again, that Mama would never brush her fingers over Iris's cheeks as she kissed her daughter's forehead, that Iris would never again hug Mommy goodbye before going to school, that _her mother was gone?!_

Nora cried too, when she heard the news. Francine had become a good friend of her's.

Henry was in his car, driving to the hospital, when he had to pull over to the side, at a loss for words as he listened to his wife weep into the phone.

For the first time in his life, he didn't know how to react.

He was a doctor. His patients faced death everyday, and it was his job to save them, give them the power to return to their formal lives in good health, and give them a promising future.

And - he did.

But Francine's death was sudden. And unexpected. If she had arrived at the hospital, she definitely would have survived, because Henry was a great doctor, and he _always_ saved his patients, but...

But this was too much to take in.

Henry pulled back onto the road, took the nearest U-turn he could find, and immediately drove back to his neighborhood.

He may not have been able to help Francine, but he could still help Joe and Iris.

###

"Thank you, Henry," Joe stated solemnly, later that day.

The Wests no longer had a home. But at the same time, they did.

Henry and Nora stepped in and helped their friends as much as they could.

They prepared warm, home-cooked meals, though neither Joe nor Iris felt like eating, and gave their friends emotional support that they needed.

Most importantly, they offered Joe and Iris a place to stay, until Joe could find a new place for him and his daughter could live - which had to be the greatest help anyone could give them.

Earlier that day, Henry and Nora quietly explained to Barry what had happened.

He was confused.

Barry couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Iris to lose her mother, in the same way Henry couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Joe to be unable to save his wife.

Henry and Nora helped Joe with what few belongings he had managed to scrounge from the burnt house, and prepped their guest room for him and his daughter.

But Barry went looking for Iris.

She wasn't with Mom, Dad, and Joe, in the guest room...

She wasn't in the dining room, eating the dinner Mom had cooked, and she wasn't watching Nick Jr. in the living room.

Barry even went as far as going to the driveway to see if Iris was still in Joe's car, frozen with grief. He could at least coax her out of the car, you know...

He finally found her, on the porch in his backyard.

Curly hair tied up in two typical pigtails, a plaid pink-and-white dress, matching shoes with the socks rolled down to her ankles, sitting calmly on the steps of the porch deck with her hands on her knees.

She didn't look any different.

She didn't look any different, yes, but _only_ if you overlooked the dried tears crusted around her tired eyes, as she stared out into nothing, and the way her pouty bottom lip quivered every few seconds.

"Hi, Iris," Barry finally declared, albeit nervously, as he sat down beside her.

She sniffled once and wiped her nose with her sleeve, ignoring him altogether.

"Iris... it'll be okay," Barry attempted softly, as he gently patted her shoulder, unsure of what else to do, "I promise."

Her eyes glittered with fresh tears and she shivered against his touch.

"Iris, no-" Barry protested, immediately retracting his hand as she began to cry. He sprinted back into the house and up the stairs to his room before he reappeared beside Iris with a box of Kleenex, the fluffy brown teddy bear that his grandmother had sewn for him, and the small backpack he stored his favorite toy dinosaurs inside of.

"You can play with Mr. Buttons, and he can sleep with you tonight," he offered, placing the box of tissues and the teddy bear in her trembling hands, "See, Iris? He's all warm and soft..."

She stared at him, almost with a tearful glower.

"No, no, you can _have_ him," Barry quickly corrected, wishing to comfort her, "You can have him forever. Keep him. It's okay."

A whimper broke in Iris's throat and she limply let go of the box and the bear, and both fell down next to her foot.

"Here, you - you can have my dinosaurs," Barry added urgently, as she began crying again, his heart weakening at the sight of her tears, "Iris - I know you love the T-Rex the most. The green one? Do you want to play with him now?"

She shook her head no and couldn't repress her full-blown tears any longer before the waterworks began again, and she stubbornly kicked the bear and the Kleenex box at her feet away.

She had lost her _mother,_ dammit.

How would toys help her?

Concerned and perplexed as she sobbed next to him, Barry retrieved the box of tissues again before he was awkwardly patting one against her face in a pure attempt to dab away her tears, before he folded his small arms around her, and hugged, wishing to soothe her.

She quieted down - but only by a little, and then, Barry quickly put his lips to her temple for a quick platonic yet caring kiss before he pulled away again, patting her shoulder again.

"Everything will be okay, Iris," he asserted, his voice full of hope, "I promise."

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

_**"...And then my mom died, and I had to go live with the girl I had a crush on..."**_

"Barry?" Iris called softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "You need to eat..."

Barry sniffled, and weakly shook his head no.

He was still shaken from everything that had happened in the past few hours, tremblinging as he sat on the edge of the bed in the West's guest room, despite the warm air conditioning. Hollows under his eyes, his skin clammy and paler than usual, brown hair matted across his forehead with sweat.

Iris was at a loss for words, knowing whatever she said could never be enough to comfort him, because she knew the feeling.

First, the grief would hit him in waves, each more intense than the last. Then, the hours would blend into days, would blend into weeks, then months, and each passing second would be a tormenting reminder that he was now living in a world that was no longer blessed with his mother's light.

He would feel broken inside when he'd see other children with their own mothers, knowing that he would never see her beautiful, warm smile again, that she would never stroke his cheek with the back of her finger, never lean down and sweep him up in an embrace. That the world was a dark, empty place he couldn't find her solace in.

He would stop eating and sleeping.

He would be devastated, he would be overwhelmed by bouts of utter hopelessness.

The loss would break him.

His mind burned with racing memories. Of seeing the tornado of light barreling powerfully in his living room. His mother's wails as the light trapped her. Henry forcefully pulling Barry back by the shoulders, screaming for him to leave, to run away.

Then - the sudden whip of wind, and Barry found himself outside, in a different neighborhood he had never seen before. The horror was still fresh in his veins, and Barry screamed in fear until he woke up the residents. The police came and collected a cold, horrified Barry off the streets, before they rushed to the more important scene - the Allen home, and Barry screamed again, tears singeing the corners of his eyes, when he saw his father protesting as the police led him away in handcuffs.

He couldn't wrap his mind around how horribly everything had changed so suddenly. Only _hours_ ago, he had come home from school to his mother's hug, the fresh, cheesy smell of macaroni casserole filling his home. His mother sang in the other room as she worked, while Barry finished his math homework, and then he went to go ride bikes with Iris. They both returned to their own homes by dusk, and then Dad came home from the hospital, and Barry ate dinner with his parents, before watching a little TV with his dad, and then Nora tucked him into bed.

His life had been so _normal,_ so routined.

His father, his mother, his best friend - they all had such defined roles in his life. His mother provided love and warmth, reading him stories and counseling him through the social struggles that entailed fifth grade. His father gave off a sense of security and protection, and sometimes took Barry to his medical research lab, letting his son's sense of curiosity guide him through the counters and shelves filled with unique, let him play with the pieces of apparatus, teaching him what they did and how they were used.

And Iris - well, Iris was something else now, wasn't she? She'd been his best friend since the day he first met her in kindergarten, on his 6th birthday. Their friendship had only grown stronger in the years that passed, and even if Barry would never _dare_ admit it out loud, his love for Iris had too. He saw her almost every day, and they always stuck by each other. Barry ordered the other kids to stop when they made fun of Iris's hair, and Iris growled and chased after Tony Woodward when Tony called Barry "a weak sissy". They raced their bikes down the slope in the sidewalk after school, and Iris always smiled because she always won, and Barry never seemed to mind. Barry comforted her when her pet bunny ran away, the two of them visiting the neighborhood park every day for two weeks in a row to find him, and Iris secretly held his hand under the desks when Ms. Crawford put a scary movie on for Halloween, and Barry was getting scared.

Every once in a while, Joe'd take them to the movies, and on Fridays, they would help Nora bake cookies, always giggling when Nora caught them eating spoonfuls of batter.

But that was all gone... Those memories - Barry would never get to live them, feel them in actuality - _ever_ again.

Gone.

It was all gone.

He buried himself in the covers of the bed in Joe's guest room, and wept loudly, sniffling his tears, trembling.

"Barry - hey," Iris cajoled, moving up to sit beside him, touching his shoulder, "Don't - Don't worry, Barry. You'll be... It'll be..."

But she didn't know what to say.

She didn't dare lie to him. He'd just lost both parents, from what she had been able to piece together, and her saying "it'll be okay" would be a deceitful slap to the face for him.

She wondered if this was what it was like for Barry, when he was trying to comfort Iris when Francine had died.

Confusion, overwhelming worry, and a strong desire to protect and care for the other, to heal a wound that would never stop bleeding.

She cleared her throat and blinked her tears away, before brushing the hair out of his forehead and doing her best to brush his tears away. "Do you want me to leave so you can sleep?" She asked quietly.

He sniveled quietly, shaking his head no.

"Um... do you want me to get you water? Or something to eat?"

He shook his head again, crying silently, his tears staining the pillow.

"Barry, what can I-"

"Just stay?" He mumbled faintly, his voice breaking, "Please?"

"O-okay," Iris nodded softly, and she let Barry take her hand in his, as he continued to shiver from the shock.

She tried talking to him, some of her words of comfort actually getting through to him. She promised him that time would heal all wounds - that _he_ would be okay - and that she'd be there for him like he had been for her. Things would work out. They had no idea how at the moment - but there _would_ be light in his life again, Iris swore on it. She would not let her best friend suffer. He would be happy again, he would see positivity again, just like she did.

Barry gradually fell asleep. The murd- the _incident_ , Iris corrected - took place around midnight, hadn't it? It was almost 6 in the morning now.

Outside, the sun was beginning to peak through the dark sky, tainting the sky with light blues and oranges.

Dawn already.

God, they were both so exhausted - but at least Barry was finally getting rest.

Footsteps were heard - and a worn-out Joe entered the room. "Hey- you're still awake," He noted quietly, tired from the night's madness.

"Barry couldn't sleep. I thought I'd keep him company til you got here," Iris explained, and Joe walked over and planted a kiss into her hair.

"He's lucky to have you, then," he advised with a sigh, brushing her cheek, "Come on, baby. You need sleep too. We've got a long morning waiting for us in a few hours."

"Did they find out what happened?" Iris interjected worriedly, and Joe found himself looking at his wide-eyed, terrified daughter. "Dad - is it true? That the police took Mr. Allen away? Will Barry's family be okay? He's so scared right now..."

"Iris..." Joe murmured, shaking his head slowly before he pulled Iris in for a hug, "Sweetie... You've got to get some rest. Whatever happens - it's not gonna be easy. On any of us. And it's going to be the hardest on Barry."

"Can he stay with us until everything is better again?" Iris pressed again, trying to hold back tears.

There's no way they could leave Barry. Not like this.

Joe smiled softly, and embraced his daughter's small form against his chest again."That's what I was planning on, honey...We'll be here for Barry. We're not leaving him."

"Promise?"

"Promise.

Iris looked over her shoulder, at her friend sleeping fitfully, whimpering as he turned his head this way and that against the blankets and pillows, vividly agitated and depressed. "Dad, he's having nightmares-"

"I'll stay with him," Joe assured once more, taking Iris's hand, "But you've been awake all night. Please, Iris. I know you're worried too, but you have to go to bed."

Iris hesitated, before she nodded and hugged her father. She turned around and walked back over to Barry, and softly kissed his forehead, before she left the room.

* * *

 **Sorry for the terribly late update!**

 **Please leave a review if you enjoyed!**

 **\- DBV**


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